Vampires Bite Not Out of Sight
by theladyvampirenightshade
Summary: A normal girl. A life changing accident. A gorgeous vampire hero. Love, laughter, self discovery and acceptance. Hi i hope you like reading this as much as i've loved writing it. Please please let me know what you think. Luvs ya xx
1. Prologue

**An Unsightly Bite **

**Prologue**

Hi, my name is Bliss Milieu, yes you can laugh if you want to, but this, as they say, "is my life".

I may have a peculiar name but my sisters are even worse off: Paradise and Ecstasy.

Both our parents wanted their daughters to grow up with the ideals of beauty, love and all things equal in the world. Even our last name, which either is coincidental or an omen to my parents' destiny means nature, earth and surroundings.

Theresa and Roland Milieu, aka Mum and Dad, are environmentalists and they believe that everything has its place in the world. Everything and all creatures should be respected and protected regardless.

It was probably one of the best principles of life that any parent could teach their children and luckily for them we did embrace their way of life in our own ways.

My sister Ecstasy, who is the eldest, went off to travel the third world countries volunteering for the Red Cross and numerous other charities including those for animal welfare. She tries to educate the local farmers and transporters about adequate working conditions for their animals.

Paradise, meanwhile, after spending years at University studying earth sciences, and teaching went to work for the Environmental Agency as a Youth Educator.

She moves from school to school setting up projects especially for kids to get involved with. She gets them to understand the importance of recycling and recognising and respecting animal habitats. They then in turn go out into their community and help others in the same way. You know the sort of thing I mean.

Anyway enough about them, time for a really big shock.

I think that the day I went blind turn out to be, probably, one of the best days of my life.

I know you'll find that hard to believe... yes I can hear you screaming right now. "How the Hell can you say something like that? What are you, fucking crazy or something?"

But whether you'll believe it or not after you read this I don't mind, because I know it's true.

Now for a fact;

The ability to see, hear and touch, are all taken for granted. People think it's a given when they enter this earth, but for some it is a precious gift that can either been given or that can been ripped away.

People everywhere, everyday should just stop and relish in the wonderful things that this world has to offer; The smell of roses in the garden, the smell of fresh toast in the morning, the chatter of birds, the touch of your loved one and the constant hum of life. Even the clouds in the sky changing shape in their never-ending existence.

I guess there's a real significance to life in the phrase "you don't really appreciate what you've got until it's gone." And I guess the same could be said about love…

Now don't get me wrong I'm not one of those people that go around hugging trees or proclaiming love to everything and everybody, talking about soul mates and destiny etc. But ever since my accident I've adopted a new outlook on life and really come to respect that phrase.

I guess you could say it was a real eye opener, if you'll excuse the pun!

Anyway I bet now you really (well at least I hope you do) want to understand what I mean. I can basically sum up my happiness about going blind with one word………………………

Brin!

Aghhhhhh! Deepest sigh ever!

He is my love, my rock and my best friend. I couldn't ask for a better husband. All the things I thought I'd never find after loosing my sight but it's because of that I found him.

But maybe I should be thanking the November rain, my high heels and that awful drink Aftershock.

Let me explain it to you………..

Oh yeah, one thing I forgot to mention… My Darling Brin …He's a blood drinking, cold, pale, walking member of the undead… A Vampire.

Shocked?

Well yeah you would be. You're not me.

Oh one last thing. I'll try my hardest to keep this in the past tense, since it did happen then but sometimes as I'm sure you can appreciate, one gets so involved with a story that you find your self right back there again. So if at anytime I switch to the present tense you know why. But please just try to muddle through.

Now let's get on with it.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

I was like any other typical University student. Young, hot and carefree. I was living my life the way I wanted to. I had my friends, a good job and my dreams of the future.

I went to study at Cambridge; I desperately want to become a veterinarian, with a focus on endangered animals. I felt that it was my calling in life. My parents wanted to save the world and I wanted to save what was in it.

Although there was a lot to learn I enjoyed every bit of it and University life was everything that it's rumoured to be. We had mad hall parties, and drunken games of twister and of course we had the student bar.

It was (though rather not typically) my first real time away from home. Oh I'd had the odd night at a friend's house here and there but my parents, thinking that I was a fragile child, had always liked to keep me near and under their guard.

Now you would think that being restricted to such a sheltered life, where I was doted on and looked after (being the youngest and the last to leave home) and then suddenly leaving to live with so many strangers so far from home, would have me running for my duvet and Mr Paw-Paw, my old stuffed dog, who yes I do still sleep with.

But NO I loved it.

The first couple of days, I'll admit, were a bit scary, but after meeting my hall mates and figuring out were everything was and where I was suppose to be. It all just sort of fell into place. Uni life just felt really natural so much so that I seem to totally forget I had another life.

Oh I got a great verbal bashing when I remembered three months later that I hadn't spoken to my parents since the day they dropped me off. But to be honest there was so much going on; lectures, demonstrations, both in the classroom and around campus and social activities, that I just didn't have the time for lengthy repetitive conversations of; are you eating enough, are you managing your lectures okay let's us know if you want anything won't you?

I know parents are supposed to care but having them turn up in one of my lectures because they were "worried about me" was just too much. After that experience I remembered to call them every Wednesday and Sunday night just to keep them happy and my embarrassment at sub level.

Anyway back to the amazing life of a student. Everybody knows that you absolutely HAVE to go clubbing if you're in Uni and I was no exception.

It was getting near the end of the term, when we would all break up for Christmas and we'd all go home and do nothing. The time honoured right you might say, when mum's are handed a huge pile of washing and a lazy "tired out" university student who sleeps all day.

Well, my hall mates Taz, Sasha, Leo and I, decided that we'd go out and mark our last days together.

We usually haunted two of the best Nightclubs around, Zips and Punch. They both had top DJ's and strict dress codes. Which meant there was no riff raff allowed and we always got to dress in our flashiest and best partying outfits.

I preferred Zips usually, they served good cocktails and the barman was a real hottie. But since a crucifyingly embarrassing (drunk) mishearing of the phrase "Nick hers", I refused to go in there again on the nights he worked. That happened to be tonight.

I still cringe to this day in memory at how stupid I'd been. I'd gone staggering up to the bar with Taz, in my mini skirt and spaghetti top and asked for another Vodka shot. Fittie, seeing I was drunk as a skunk already, refused and told me that I'd have to nick hers if I wanted a drink. He meant Taz's drink but my stupid boozed up brain convinced me that he'd said "Show me your knickers". So right there and then I pulled down my pants and twirled them around my finger for him to get a good look at.

That would have been the worst part of the story if the pants hadn't then gone flying behind the bar to smack into his face. I was so mortified by the sudden look on his face that I ran out of the club and haven't seen him since.

Anyway that little incident has earned me the nickname of "Knickers" from the bouncers at the club and by most of the boys from my Uni who were there that night.

I'm not too bothered by the name really, it's funny now when I think of it and it's always better to have at least three drinks inside of you, and that's exactly what I had planned for that night.

Taz and I were dressed in our best party girl skirt and top combos. I always wore a mini when I went out dancing and usually a cami top but tonight what with the cold wind I chose a beautiful red long sleeved top and a pair of leather trousers (borrowed from Taz) and I was looking pretty damn good even if I did say so my self.

I always wore my black hair long and straight; it was good to flip around then and would draw guy's attention a lot better than my dancing skills.

"Yeah looking good," I told my self-giving my reflection an affectionate kiss in the mirror.

I bounced down the hallway where Taz was waiting and together we ran down the hall giggling with high spirits to bang on Leo's door.

"Oh my god I'm so glad you're here," he screeched as he opened the door and pulled us in.

"I like, have NO idea what to wear."

I shook my head giving him a loveable grin. Leo is the camp-est guy I know and I love him so much. He was so open about his sexuality when I met him, and his lifestyle, that it made me like him instantly.

He was so easy to talk to about anything and everything that it was like having another sister around. And I know for a fact that he won't mind me calling him that because he loves women. But yes he is drawn to the "sexual powerfulness of the male". He has such a great sense of humour too and he loves to shop even more then me. So it was easy to see why we because very close friends.

I swear that boy had more clothes than the rest of our hall block put together.

"Well sweetie, what about this one?" I said pulling out his favourite pink shirt and handing it to him. He stood in front of the mirror and held it up to his chest. He frowned, and then grimaced.

"No it's just not right for tonight." He held up his hands as he tossed the shirt on to the bed. He rummaged in his wardrobe.

"I just want to look absolutely fabulous tonight." He stated dramatically with a swish of his hand. Taz smiled and jumped off the bed.

"Ahhh" she said knowingly"You hoping that that dishy bloke with the long hair will be there tonight?"

Leo blushed scarlet and grinned sheepishly.

"He was really cute," I added. "He had a really nice butt," I laughed as Leo reddened further and hit me with a pillow.

"Hey, you should wear this one tonight" Taz was holding up a nice crisp white skirt with slightly flared sleeves and a nice upturned collar. He brought it back from Italy when he went and I can tell you that not many men would have been able to pull it off, but on Leo, with his black trousers and dark hair it looked great.

"Darling you're such a pimp." He laughed as he grabbed the shirt and whipped it over his body. "Oh he won't be able to resist THIS tonight!" He strutted up to the mirror and posed sexily. He knew he looked edible.

Taz and I whistled loudly and a huge grin spread over his face.

"Okay let's go party" I yelled jumping off the bed and promptly wobbled to the side. Bloody high heels. I never really cared for them much but these were too beautiful that I couldn't resist buying them. Red strappy stilettos. They went perfectly with my shirt.

"Are you okay on those shoes?" Taz asked me steadying me with one hand.

"Yes I'll be fine, just got over enthusiastic." I grinned back feeling klutzy.

"Awww I love those shoes. Leo murmured. "Hey if you can't wear them can I have them?"

"Ohhh Leo" I laughed pushing him playfully on the shoulder out the door.

"Come on, we'll discuss footwear another time."

All laughing, happily we scurried down the hall and grabbed a taxi on the corner of the campus.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

The club was jumping by the time we got there. We could feel the music thumping along the street as we pulled up. We got out and thanked the driver. He gave us a nod then sped off.

It was only about nine o'clock which meant the entrance fee was still at full price, but thankfully Leo had gotten cosy with one of the bouncers so he always let us in half price when ever. Ahhh it was good to have such influential friends.

We went straight to the bar and ordered drinks. Well shots. We always started our nights out with a couple of shots and then we felt loose enough to dance. Well Taz and I needed them; Leo was already bobbing his head to the beat.

We saluted each other as we down our shots and shuddered as they slid down.

Laughing at each other we ordered more drinks, and went off to find a table near the dance floor. Leo strolled off immediately with a quick swivel of his hips to dance amongst the crowd leaving Taz and I to guard the drinks.

Looking over the crowd, I felt all the rich colours and feelings of happy partygoers flow into my veins.

Taking a swig of my drink, a vodka tonic mix I crossed my legs and tapped my foot to the music. Taz, I could see was eyeing up the back of some guy that was really grooving it on the dance floor.

"Oooo baby, you fine!" Taz drooled as he turned around and I instantly felt my warm happy feeling flush away. It was the barman from Zips! He had a sandy mop of hair and one hell of a body, but right now all I could focus on was the image of my underwear flying through the air.

"Oh my God it's that guy from Zips!" I whispered close to Taz's ear. She turned to stare at me with a frown. "The one you threw your knickers at?"

"Uh huh!" I mumbled back getting up and pulling my jacket on.

"Oh wait you can't leave….come on" Taz pulled at my arm. "He won't even recognise you."

I silently fought with the urge to get the hell out of dodge and my desire NOT to miss one hell of a good night. Reluctantly I shrugged off my jacket again and hung it back on the chair.

"Yeah okay…your right, and that was ages ago anyway." Yeah very convincing I thought later.

"Yeah let's go dance?" Taz said encouragingly setting down her empty glass and getting to her where she promptly started to boogie on down in an attempt to get me up.

I looked hesitantly at "Hottie" still swinging it out on the floor.

"Come on party pooper!" she pouted and gave me those big sad puppy dog eyes that only she can do.

"Ahhh okay okay!" I relented.

We moved out on the dance floor and began to sway our hips to the funky music the DJ had started to play. I soon forgot about Hottie and enjoyed the beat and the alcohol zipping through my body. I had another drink and then another and was feeling quite giddy.

Leo had come back to join us and was at that moment dancing behind me. He had his hands on my hips and we were grinding together to the music. Normally I don't like guys getting that close to me but because it was Leo I didn't mind. He was hardly going to take advantage of me.

I don't mind telling you that I was a total virgin. Yeah I know probably hard to believe I know…or not, I guess it depends on who you are.

We both laughed as the music picked up the tempo and he whooped as he lifted my arms in the air.

Taz was off dancing somewhere with a cute guy she'd picked up and if I knew her like I think I did she already had her tongue down his throat and now we wouldn't see her for the rest of the night.

As we danced I didn't notice that "Hottie" was making his way towards us, but I didn't take much notice. I was having way too much fun. That was until Leo swung me around by my arm and then accidentally let go! I went sprawling on my high heels and fell right into a hard but yielding object.

Actually it was a person and we both went flat to the floor with an oomph!

"Oh my God I'm so sorry" I started to blabber as I started picked myself off him. Only then did I realise that I had bumped right into "Hottie" and was now almost sitting on top of him.

"Ermm" I stammered, seemingly incapable of speech or apparently movement.

"Do you always do embarrassing things to get guys to notice you?" he asked grinning up at me.

"Oh my God you remember?" I groaned mortified, covering my face with my hands. I can't believe he remembered!

"Yeah it's not every night you get a thong thrown at your face." he laughed as he got up from the floor taking me with him and setting me firmly on my feet.

I groaned with humiliation but at least he was smiling. It made me feel a bit better. I looked around to see what Leo was doing but he was already dancing again with the rest of the crowd. He did give me a wink thought which made me think that he'd done it on purpose. Oooo I'd get him back for THAT later. Or maybe not, Hottie was right there and not running away from me. Oooo Yay, go team me!

"So do you wanna dance?" he asked shouting to be heard over the loud sizzling music that was now playing.

"Yeah sure" I gulped back.

"Good answer" He grins capturing me by the arms and swinging me around.

My head was in a right twirl, I really liked this guy and here I was dancing with him and he wasn't embarrassed or put off that I threw my underwear at him.

Yes!

As we danced he moved closer to me, I stiffened just a little when he ran his down my back and grabbed hold of my bottom. But he had such a nice smile and his hands were really gently confidant that I slowly relaxed against him.

We moved together controlled by the beat and as the music heated up so did we.

"Phew it's hot." I said fanning myself with my hand. He looked really pleased with this idea and leaned in close to whisper. "You want to go outside for a while?" I nodded but I didn't know why he seemed so smug or smiled so crudely. Poor little naive me.

"Ahhh that's better" the cold November air chilled my skin, but to me it was Heaven. I smiled at "hottie", who funnily enough still hadn't offered his name yet, he grinned back at me then grasped my hand pulling me towards him.

"I know what'll make it even better baby" he ran his eyes down my top, briefly stopping at my cleavage, then carrying on down the length of my legs. It was a dirty look. His grip was tight and very strong.

"What are you doing? Get off me!" I struggled and wriggled, but that only made him grip me harder.

I shivered. I didn't like the feeling that was prodding at my gut…hey no wait a minute it wasn't just a feeling it was his….whoa! Oh my god!

I tried to pull away from him but his hands snaked around behind me and pulled me down the side alley to the club.

"Let me go…please let me go" I was starting to panic. Fear rose in my throat and I'd started to cry.

He roughly shoved me up against the wall. Oww that hurt. The coarse bricks dug into the skin of my back and my arms as he held them above my head. He leaned in then …REALLY close and breathed on my skin.

His ready to attention "friend" jabbed me in the belly and I winced as he kissed my neck.

"Hmmmmm baby you taste real good"

I tried to scream but he forced his lips over mine in a really hard kiss. Trying not to suffocate I yanked at his hands holding mine.

Freeing one I shoved at his face and forced him off me. I rubbed my mouth thinking nothing but blah! Yuk!

I glared at him horribly but he just laughed nastily and grabbed my hand sliding it down his body to meet his groin. At the same time he slipped closer to me so that I was pinned against him and the wall.

He ground against my hand and moaned loudly. Urgh, I felt positively sick, and tried to yank my hand away. He didn't like that so he twisted my wrist sharply and hissed "Move it and I'll break it!"

I gasped as pain sliced through my hand and fingers.

"You don't want that do you Baby?"

"No, no, no, no, no!" I mumbled shaking my head. Tears happily flowing. Tra la la.

I didn't know why I didn't just scream, knee him in the bollocks and make a run for it.

Truth was though; I knew this was my fault. I'd led him on, I'd danced with him. I'd led him outside…I'd kissed him …hadn't I. Ohhh it was all getting muddled in my head.

He was moaning again now and roughly jerking my hand up and down. Ewww gross his "thing" was throbbing.

"Yes baby, oh yes!" He was saying words clenched between his teeth. He drew in a great breath then held on for dear life as his whole body shuddered and rocked. I felt my hand get wet.

I struggled and managed a little cry. Finally had I found my voice?

I drew in a struggled breath and tried to yell out, but his other hand clamped over my mouth making me swallow it.

Then he sagged against me breathing hard…I gulped and felt a little bit a relief wash through me. I tried to push him away from me now that he'd finished.

He brought his face up level and grinned at me.

"Oh no baby we've not finished yet. That was just the warm up!"

His hand was still clamped down over my mouth so I just stared at him horrified. His face that I had once thought so beautiful was now the face of a monster. His nasty little eyes and that horrid grin. I tried to turn my head so I wouldn't have to look.

His chuckle made me shiver; cold little pin pricks spot up my spine as he wedged my legs apart with his knees, settling himself in-between them.

"Come on baby, you're not shy are you?" He removed his hand that was keeping me quiet and stroked my face. I shuddered at his slimy touch. It felt like ants were crawling in its path.

His hands sank lower and he gripped my arm tightly as he whispered dangerously

"You'd better not scream!"

I'm going to be raped, I'm going to be raped was my only thought. How could I have been so stupid? Leo, I want Leo, in fact anybody will do I silently begged. Somebody HELP ME!

As his hands wandered all over me, he kissed me again and again biting my lip and my cheeks. I squeaked and flinched but I never made a sound.

He ripped my top off over my head and his hands gripped me hard.

I shook and shivered and resisted the urge to throw up, although my brain told me that would a totally good idea.

As he started to undo my trousers, my brain whisked away with me and I became transfixed on my parents faces. Oh my god what would they say? They'd kill me; say it was my fault for going to the club in the first place. I was the one who'd begged to go to Uni. Why didn't I just stay at home where it was safe? All manner of thoughts infested me just as a pair of dirty fingers did.

This wasn't happening. It couldn't be. I was Bliss Milieu I was a good student, I studying hard and I was going to be a vet. I was going to help sick animals. So this couldn't be happening. No!

Just as "Dickhead" (I'd revoked his previous title) was moving in for the "good stuff" as he called it, someone spoke!

"The Lady does not appear to be appreciating your affections my friend"

Completely stunned we both looked up. There was no one there?! The voice was clear and sharp. It spoke again.

"So you will let her go now" A calm yet forceful command. Oooo that was kind of sexy. Oh jeez what the fuck am I talking about? Here I am about to get raped and yet I'm swooning over a disembodied voice from the shadows.

Dickhead was looking around fitfully. Ha I thought happily, now he knows what it's like to be scared. He still hadn't let me go though. I struggled against his grasp but he held me tight.

"I said you will let her go…..NOW!"

The sound rumbled along the very floor and straight up my legs.

It gave me a warm feeling, protected and safe. But Dickhead was looked piss petrified and he instantly let go of me and stepped back.

I finally let go of the breath I'd been holding and slumped against the wall, arms tightly gripped around my middle.

Anger now blurred DH's face.

"Who IS that? Who the fuck is there?"

He hunched down trying to see through the darkness… then suddenly a figure appeared. My heart soared. My saviour.

I'd expected some Heroic rescue, my mysterious knight in shining armour would come leaping from the shadows and pounce on DH knocking him to the ground. Then there'd be a fight with fists flying and insults whirring. But instead he just stepped out from the shadows.

Not that that wasn't spectacular too, he was very tall, with black wispy hair and he was dressed all in black with a swoon worthy black coat that looked more like a cape.

His head was bent low so we couldn't see his face, but I knew it would be as stunning as the rest of him seemed to be.

DH was just staring….. Ha again I thought! Guess he must have been impressed…or not.

As Mr Shadows walked towards us still examining the floor, Dickhead reached into his trouser pocket a whipped out a knife.

I screamed!

Well what else would you do! Dickhead had grabbed hold of me and was now using me as a shield. The knife was raised in front of him like some puny sword.

"Just fuck off dude… You never saw nothin' right?" I heaved on the arm that was now crushing my windpipe. Shadows just stood there and shook as he seemed to chuckle inwardly.

I would have been really miffed if I wasn't already dealing with trying to breathe through DH's choke hold.

"Go on, just turn around and walk away."

I heaved in a panicked breath and bore my eyes into Mr Shadows desperately trying to get through to him, but he just stood still as a statue.

Eventually in my head I screamed. "Please, please don't leave me."

He seemed to stumble just then as if he's been stung by something and it had made him jump. His hand rushed up to his chest and he made a quite gagging noise as if hurt.

DH saw this as a good opportunity and lunged at him. But Shadows just calmly raised a hand and said…

"Stop"

DH's blade stopped centimetres away from Shadows flesh. He looked confused and a little pale. He stared into Shadows eyes as he raised his head.

They were deep deep indigo colour and Dickhead seemed almost mesmerised by them as he lowered his knife wielding arm and stood swaying before my saviour as he spoke in his cool commanding tone.

"You will leave this place. You will not return and you will never put your hands on this woman again."

Dickhead nodded slowly, lips tight bound together.

Shadows then got really close to him and whispered in his ear. Dickhead's eyes widened inhumanly and the front of his trousers got dark as he literally pissed himself.

Then as Shadows continued to stare at him he shuffled off into a corner and collapsed in a heap.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

I was breathing hard. I couldn't believe what I had just witnessed. My would-be rapist was now passed out on the floor and this dark stranger had saved me.

I let out a long steadying breath and ran my fingers through my hair. Ouch? My throat was sore and so were my arms. That bastard!

The stranger was staring at me. I couldn't think what to say. What did you say when you'd been attacked then rescued in the weirdest way.

I stared at the unconscious lump on the floor again, before finally bursting into very noisy sobs and slumping to the floor.

I groped around for my top and pulled it on unconsciously. I rocked there for a few minutes, the silence eating away seconds of my distress.

The stranger stared at me shocked. He seemed confused and shifted about uncomfortable.

"What ails you?" He asked carefully "He cannot hurt you any longer." He indicated to the sleeping Dickhead.

"Nothing ….oh nothing... Just thank you thank you so much. He would have rapped me and then killed me but then you came and then everything was okay, even though you did nothing at first but then I screamed at you and then you….and then you stopped him and just thank you thank you thank you" I rambled as I sat there shaking on the floor relief, happiness heart wrenching gratitude rushing all around me al at once. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Oh heck I wanted to do both. Sob, sob, laugh, laugh! Dark and Mysterious didn't say anything to my mad grateful rantings, just continued to gawp bewildered by my sudden explosion of emotion.

"Ermm…you are welcome my lady. I will take my leave now. Thank you." He coughed quietly, turned away and then he was gone.

"Huh?" I'd been hugging my knees and in the two second it took me to raise my head he was nowhere to be seen.

I stared around the alley hoping that he was still in the shadows but no... He was truly and utterly gone!

Okay now that was weird. But with another look at Dickhead still slumped in the corner, I decided that I didn't bloody care why, or how he'd suddenly vanished. I just want to get the Hell out of that alley.

Slowly standing up and sniffing, I took a few small shaky steps back toward the street. My legs felt like putty and they were seriously shaking. I saw the flashing lights of the club ahead and I think that was when shock took over.

Waves came plummeting up through my body, and that's when I ran sobbing and stumbling toward the crowd. To where I knew my friends would hug me and make me feel safe again.

There was a crowd of people coming out of the club and to my absolute delight there was Leo. I could see him just checking out his coat and all I could think about was him; putting his arms around me in one of his big warm bear hugs.

"Leo!" I yelled a little frantically. He looked up and waved then froze at the sight of me. Hurriedly he began pushing his way thought the crowd but there were so many people that he didn't get very far.

I started to feel very vulnerable in such a wide-open space, where anyone could grab me, and as I got to the entrance to the club a hand came out and latched on to my arm.

I screamed and tried to pull away. It was only George one of the bouncers but in my panicked post traumatic stressed out body I was still on flight reflex.

I looked up at George, he was still holding on to my arm and giving me the strangest look, but all I could see when I stared at him was Dickhead's malicious little grin and wicked eyes.

George must have realised that I was frightened and let go immediately but I'd been puling back so hard that I went stumbling back into the street.

I heard Leo shout "Lissy?!" over the crowd as I tripped (backwards) over the curb and toppled over. Blasted High Heels I was definitely going to give them to Leo now!

I landed right on my arse, in a cold puddle, in the middle of the lay-by the taxis used. I felt humiliated and stupid and cold! Sniffing horribly I got up and turned around just in time to see a pair of bright lights head straight towards me and hear Leo screech "LISSY LOOK OUT!"

I remember putting my hands up to shield my face... Yeah like what good would that do me? But the Mini bus did hit me!

I felt a great pain rip through my chest, and then I was flying backwards and crashing through a sheet of bus shelter glass. I must have whacked my head incredibly hard because I blacked out pretty quick, but not before seeing the broken glass showering down upon me like tiny crystal stars.

Of course I don't know what the Hell happened next… Cos lets face it I'd just been knocked unconscious by a bloody Minibus driver. But here's how I believe it went….

"Oh my god Lissy, are you okay?" Leo was frantically kneeling beside me waving his hands about in that gay mans' fashion when they don't know what to do.

The minibus driver came puffing up behind him and crouched down too. "Shit man I just couldn't brake in time, she was too close."

In fact my lifeless body was now drawing a bit of a crowd it seemed as people came swarming over to get a good look at a bloody (I use this in the descriptive sense) road accident.

"Someone call an ambulance!" Taz shouted as she pushed her way through the crowd to also knee before me.

That's it…Thanks Taz, I knew you wouldn't panic.

Someone ran back into the club to report that there had been an accident and that they needed an ambulance pretty darn quick.

Well needless to say the blue light and screeching siren where soon rushing along at illegal speed to help my poor damaged body. The paramedics jumped out along with a stretcher and a huge red bag and rushed to my side.

"Hello love can you hear me?" one of them said as he strapped a mask to my face and slipped a collar around my neck.

"I'm just putting a mask over your face, nothing to worry about!"

I don't know why they feel it appropriate to be so loud or condescending to their patients. I couldn't hear what he was telling me.

"What happened?" asked the woman paramedic, checking to see if anyone else was hurt.

Taz was holding Leo tight to stop him shaking, as he relayed what he'd seen as he came out of the club.

"…then she just fell off the curb and stumbled in to the road. The minivan was just driving along when she stood up. He hit her and she went through the glass..." He pointed to where I was lying surrounded by glass.

The woman nodded sympathetically but Leo couldn't stop talking. "She looked so frightened… I'd never seen her like that before. The last time I saw her she was heading outside with Warren from the club…. Oh my god I hope he didn't attack her or anything! I'd never forgive my self!" He puts his hand up to his mouth and closed his eyes as tears start to flow.

Awww Leo, I think I love you even more now.

"Don't worry she's in good hands now. She'll be fine." The paramedic places a soothing hand on his arm and gives him a gentle squeeze.

"Are you friends or relatives? She asks "because we'll have to contact her parents."

"We're friends" answers Taz, as Leo is crying noisily on her shoulder.

"Well call them as soon as we get to the Hospital. They live in Dorset so it'll take them a while to get here."

The paramedic nods and writes it on her chart. "Okay you can both come to the hospital but only one of you can fit in the ambulance."

Taz and Leo look at each other, but Taz firmly pushes Leo forward. "You go Leo; I'll go back and get the car. I'll meet you there." He nods solemnly and after a quick hug he follows the paramedic back to the waiting vehicle.

Meanwhile, I've been prodded and poked, strapped, wrapped and blanketed on a stretcher. I have an I.V in my arm and a huge red block thing on my head to keep it from lolling about.

Also by now the Police have arrived and are interviewing the Driver. They are asking him loads of questions and most of the crowed now too is being harassed, but thankfully are moving away.

Thank God I wasn't awake is all I can say. How embarrassing!

I'm then lifted into the ambulance and carted away to the nearest hospital with Leo in tow.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

I was rushed into casualty and immediately set upon by doctors and nurses. They were all yelling and shoving, trying to be the first one to put their hands on me and declare that they knew exactly what I needed to be saved, then there would be an almighty cheer and all people of the world would know of their brilliance!

"Doctor I don't like the look of this head wound, (ha like any head wound could look good) I think we need to do an emergency scan."

"I agree Doctor, let's take her down now!"

Doctor, doctor, doctor doesn't anyone use first names anymore?

Anyway I was wheeled down the corridor and a picture was taken of my brain to make sure it wasn't damaged. Thankfully it wasn't, otherwise this story would be really hard to tell.

I still had to go to surgery though so they could patch me all up, and make sure I was still intact inside.

I was then hooked up to monitors and tubes and a Hell of a lot of other wires and taken to a private room to "recover".

I think it was then I started to come around. I couldn't tell you how long I'd lain there hours, days a week I dunno, no one ever told me and to be honest I really didn't care.

Everything felt very stiff and alien. The world around me was black and very small. It was then I heard a shrill panicked voice from somewhere out in the distance.

"Oh my god what happened to my daughter?"

It was mum; she stormed into the room where I was laying all hooked up and lent over me to peer at my face. She was crying, I could feel the tears on my face and then her hands reached over to stroke my hair.

I desperately wanted to reach out to her and let her now that I was okay, but I couldn't move. Every atom of my being hurt and I felt like I was stuck in glue. I fell into what the Doctors called Time-Out. It wasn't a coma, just my body's response to the accident. I shut down to heal and that was it they could do no more me until I woke up.

God poor mum. I mean I don't know but I gather from what people told me that she was beside her self. She sat beside me and held my hand. Crying and talking tome non stop.

I think the first thing I remember was her chanting my name over and over and I think it was that, that finally pulled me out of the black hole I was in.

"M…Mum?" I croaked

She raised her head off the bed and stroked my face. Warmth came flooding back from that sweet touch and I clung to that, never wanting to disappear back into that lonely dark filled space again.

"Yes, yes I'm here Darling"

"Mum?" I asked again this time frightfully. I didn't want to think I'd imagined her speaking but I had to make sure.

"Yes, yes it's me Sweetheart"

She grabbed my hand and held it tightly. I gave an involuntary sob and squeezed it back.

Mum started to cry again and as she stroked my hand I smiled a little. She laughed at the sight and lent down to kiss me.

"Oh I've been so worried! When we got the call that you'd had an accident, I didn't know what to think. We just jumped in the car and raced down here. I think your father almost broke the cars' speedometer."

I smiled at that. "Where is Dad?" My throat hurt and I sounded really raspy, but I wanted to keep talking.

"He went to get the Doctor the second you spoke Darling. He's been here all the time too. We both have."

She rubs my hand vigorously in hers and makes soothing noises. Hmmmmm I don't like that, but I don't get time to question her when I hear Dad and another set of footsteps enter the room.

"She's just started to come round Doctor." I hear Dad say

"Dad!" I croaked out happily

"I'm here Lissy Sweetheart" He takes my hand from Mum and clutches it tight.

"Hullo Lissy, I'm Doctor Reynolds. I'm just going to have a quick look at you all right?"

"Okay" I say meekly. Like I've any choice in the matter?

"We'll wait outside Doctor. " Dad suggests. Mum protest but I hear her getting shooed out. Then I hear the door close.

I relax on the bed now as I feel the Doctor check my arms and my legs and then feel around my head.

"Does anything hurt?" he asks calmly.

I wriggle experimentally and I hitch in a breath from a pain in my side.

"My side." I say. He places a cool hand around my side and gently kneads my flesh.

"Ouch!" I yell as he hits the spot. His eyebrows rise but not alarmingly

"Does it hurt to breathe?"

"A little yes."

"Mmmmmm, you've probably fractured a rib, from where the taxi hit you. We'll get an x-ray done just to make sure." I nod okay.

I think I like Doctor Reynolds. He's very kind and asks me lots of questions; about where I'm studying, his face practically lights up when I tell him I'm studying medicine, well in a different sense than he did but still its nice to have the distraction as he examines and explores.

He asks me what I've learnt so far and why I want to be a Vet and he seems generally interesting in what I have to say.

There's more checking and I can hear him making the monitors beep.

"Well your heart rate is good, your BP is fairly normal and there's no swelling in your brain. So I'm confidant you'll be fine Lissy. In all you're very lucky."

"Now I'm going to give you some pain killers and later we'll take out some of these tubes now that you've woken up. You'll be more comfortable that way."

I sigh relieved. "Could you take the bandage off my eyes too please it's really irritating." My face had been itching the moment I'd woken up and all I could see was the dark side of the bandage over my eyes. It was really disorientating and irksome.

I heard the Doctors' voice falter. He speaks slowly and carefully "Lissy... there is no bandage over your eyes." He sounds concerned and I hear him immediately flip open a file and shuffle through some papers.

"W…W... What?" I stammer pushing my self up. "But I can't see anything! I can't see! I can't see" I'm getting a hysterical and my parent's rush back into the room.

"Darling, darling, what's the matter, what happened?" Mum is sitting on the bed clutching at me.

"I can't see! I can't see! I can't see, Mum." I'm crying into her shoulder and I hear the Doctor say.

"I'll get her checked out by an Ophthalmologist straight away. It may just be a temporary thing from the head trauma."

I hear him scurry away on light footsteps. Mum is rocking me backwards and forwards as I cry frantically, saying

"It's all right Darling, ssshush. It's all right. We're right here."

Dad comes to sit on my other side and strokes my hair down my back. We sit there for ages…. Waiting, wondering, scared, uncertain and alone.

If this were a movie set, you would see the camera slowly moving away from us, making us get smaller and smaller. Leaving us huddled tighter waiting for the unknown. Melancholy music would play letting the audience know that there's no hope. But it's not a movie so I don't have that luxury of suddenly knowing my fate.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

It seemed to take ages for the eye doctor to get here and every minute it took I feel the rise of hopelessness get higher and higher.

I'd stopped crying and was trying really hard not to panic. Mum still sat with me and Dad paced horrible at the end of my bed.

"Hello I'm Doctor Soigné"

I heard the squeak of his highly polished shoes scuff the lino as he hurried into my room.

"Hi" I replied weakly.

"Hello Bliss" Doctor S was French, I could tell that right away and he said my name with a zee sound.

"Lissy…" my mum was saying "She likes to be called Lissy"

"Ahhh you must be Mr and Mrs Milieu" I assume they shook hands as I heard a rustle of material. It was amazing how much more acute my hearing was, but I just put that down to being so freaked out. You know heightened survival instincts or something?

The doctor was now peering at me I think, I could feel a warm regular breeze on my face, which I took to be his breath, and when he spoke it startled me because it was so close to me.

"Do you have any pain in your eyes or head?"

I concentrated for a second, (just to make sure) then shook my head. I was holding my breath in anticipation.

"Can you see anything at all? Colours, shapes? Foggy patches?"

Again I shook my head.

"It's just black" I whimpered "All black!"

The Doctor "hmm hmm-ed" and continued to stare at me. He gentle pulled at my eyelids and hmm hmm-ed again.

"All right Lizzy, I'm just going to shine a light in your eyes, and you tell me if you can see anything at all okay?"

I nodded frantically, then sat as still as I could as I heard him cross the room and click the lights off.

I felt him come closer again and move from side to side examining my eyeballs. I was clutching the bed sheets, twisting them around my hands.

"Just relax Lizzy" he said soothingly. Doctors always make that fake calm voice when they know it's serious. "Can you see anything, any distinction between light and dark? Fuzzy shapes perhaps ?"

When I didn't reply, he touched my shoulder gently "Lizzy?"

"What? Oh sorry." I'd been distracted

"I can see a very white blob in the middle of my eye" I told him with a sigh.

My heart had given a tiny happy jump. I'd been staring at the blob with such fondness, like seeing a long lost friend. Did that mean I could get better?

I smiled inwardly and outwardly, but then suddenly the white blob vanished. What? What had happened? Where had it gone? I sat up ridge and moved my head trying to track where it had gone, I felt close to tears again.

"Has the white haze gone now?" asked Doctor Soigné

I nodded sadly and buried my face in my hands. I realised that it was just the strong beam from his torch thingy. It had been so close to my face that no one could have missed it. Even a blind………… Oh……

"Okay" he breathed heavily and there was a click of the lights again. "I'll have to check your CAT scan results but I'm fairly certain that your optic nerves have been ruptured. Most likely when you either fell through the glass sheeting or when you hit your head on the concrete."

I felt numb….

"So what does that mean Doctor?" Mum's voice quivered with fright as she hugged me tightly.

Doctor S sighed and spoke carefully

"It means that her sight will almost certainly never return to normal. Optic nerves are very delicate and any trauma to them usually is severe. There appears no damage to your retinal centre, which is good news but it is most likely that she will be visually impaired for the rest of her life…."

There was s a good long pause while each of us took this in.

"I'm sorry" Doctor S added sincerely "But there is nothing we can do. To risk operating on the eyes may cause further damage and infection."

"So what are we suppose to do now?" It was Dad, he sounded angry and confused.

"We can offer Lizzy and your selves, of course, support and counselling to cope with her disability. We have a very good Therapist right here at this hospital. We can give her aids to use at home and there's some literature that you should read about caring for someone who's visually impaired. Many people with this disability can lead semi-normal lives."

I rolled my eyes incredulously, although I was the only one who knew it.

It was if he'd done this a million times, all the sympathetic tone had come and gone in his voice. He'd delivered this most debilitating news and now he was reeling off this list about Happy Clappy groups as if that would make everything okay.

That may work for him I remember thinking , but his part was over now. He got to go on with his life while I had to work out how to deal with this.

Four little words kept repeating round my head, each time getting louder and louder until it drove me insane and I had to screw my head in my arms. .

Rest of her life. Rest of her life. Rest of her life. Rest of her life. He didn't even talk to me, it's like I wasn't even I the bloody room. Oooo got to be careful or we may upset the poor little blind girls' feelings.

Well arseholes consider them HURT!

My parents and Doctor S had been talking for a while and then I suddenly realised that the Doctor was speaking to me.

"Goodbye Lissy, I'll come and see you again in a few days. All right?" He probably smiled at me (no doubt fake as well) like he'd provided some great service to me. But all I want to do was scream. I want to scream right at him and make him tell me he'd got it wrong.

But I didn't I sat there all peaceful, slumped like a blob on the pillows. I didn't smile or nod, I just faced him (at least I think I did) with a complete expressionless look.

I hear him clear his throat nervously. Good I'd unnerved him. One point for me, a small triumph, I grinned in my head. Okay I knew it was childish to give someone who was trying to "help" me the silent treatment but boy it felt good and because I was "sick" I knew I would get away with it. (HA!)

"Goodbye Mr and Mrs Milieu"

They shake hands again and I hear the fading steps of Doctor Soigné. Good he's gone. Now I can wail,

"Why me……?"

"Oh Darling!" Mum is sobbing again and she holds me like a baby. Rocking me backwards and forwards.

"Ouch Mum, my ribs!" I shove away from her embrace but grab her arm as a sharp pain shots up into my chest.

She looks horrified and I hear her grab the bell thing hanging by my bed.

"No Mum! It's okay. I don't WANT to see anyone else."

"But it could be serious!" Oh god the high squeaky voice is back.

"It's only a fractured rib Mum" I protest, she's fussing again, pushing my hair off my face to peer at my complexion.

"Oh let her alone Tess, she doesn't need that right now.

"What do you know what she needs!?" Mum shrieks at him. Oh god I thought they're going to argue, right here in the Hospital. Just when I needed them most.

"Don't yell at me Tess. Shouting is not going to help."

But mum didn't seem to hear him; she rocked on the bed clutching my hand to her chin. Tears trickling down her face. She started a ramble. Dad tried to calm her down.

"I knew something like this would happen… I knew it! She should never have left home! I told you she was delicate… but you want her to go. She'll be all right you said."

She kept twitching her head in Dad's direction. It's like we'd both left the room and she was talking to her self.

"She's NOT delicate Tess and you want her to go as well remember. You said she had such potential."

Dad raised his voice to be heard over mum. He was really upset too but he knew not to interrupt Mum when she went like that.

"Well she doesn't now, does she?" More random sentences, but I could feel them taking an ugly turn. "She'll never be anything now! She can't be, you can't do anything when you're blind!..."

She said this last word like it was vetoed. I feel sick at the word, I was hoping to deny calling my self that for a while but she's dropped the bomb that we've all been avoiding. I just sit there open mouthed, I want to rip my hand away but she's gripping it so tightly.

"And all that money we've spent on her education…..now she'll never use it."

"Theresa!" Dad looks at her completely shocked. So do I! "How dare you say something like that!? You're daughter has had an shocking accident with even more shocking consequences and all you can think about is money!" He's fuming and I assume he's gone red in the face.

"Consider you daughters feeling first!"

"Stop it! Stop it! STOP IT!" I scream, I yank my hand away from mum and shift back in the bed so I'm against the wall.

They both stare at me appalled at how they've upset me. Good I think. I can feel there eyes boring into me and I pull away from Mum as she reaches for me again.

We stand, or in my case sit, there in silence for a long time.

Then there comes a cheery voice in the doorway.

"Hello there." It's a nurse; I can tell by the way she walks. Light and calm but with a mission to go somewhere. There is also a metal squeaking noise. She has a tray on wheels with her, and is wheeling it into the room.

"Is everything okay in here?" she has a clear jolly voice and it doesn't drip with condescends.

"We'll just be outside" Dad's tone is flat and he pulls Mum off my bed and they head for the door.

I sigh heavily as I hear the door shut leaving me alone with the nurse.

She's fiddling around with the I.V and some of the other tubes. I feel a lump come to my throat and I fight back some new tears. Yeah like they're going to help me.

"They're probably just tired." The Nurse says comfortingly laying a gentle hand on my shoulder. "They've been up every night with you since you were admitted. They obviously love you very much."

"Thanks." I sniff back, running a hand under my nose.

"I'm Emma, by the way, and your very own personal slave for a while." I think she grinned at me. A little warm feeling flows off her and I suddenly feel tired, comforted by her presence.

"Hi" I mumble back falling back on the pillows. I think about asking her how old she is, but I drop off to sleep almost immediately.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six **

For the next two weeks, I'm confined to my bed, given numerous painkillers and antibiotics and checked over at least twice a day but my different doctors. Each one confirms that I'm healing well and that I should consider my self very lucky. Apparently had my head wound been any deeper or higher I might have ended up with brain damage or even died.

I still remain emotionless throughout. I can't seem to cry and I came to the conclusion that second night that there's no point releasing the floodgates. It's not going to help me. I fed up with being in bed and feeling helpless. But what's worse is the way they all seem to speak to me.

I'm damaged, yeah I get that and there's no way to fix it. Okay I accept that too, but they way they talk, it's like I'm never going to be able to do anything ever again. It was very upsetting to accept that my career choice is over, but I figured I'd be able to do something else with my life. But both my doctors and my parents are treating me like I'm going to have some mental breakdown.

I've never been very good at being ill. So yeah I guess I get a bit moody and depressed and I hated not being able to get up and do my own thing.

The Doctors thought it was a delayed shock reaction to the debilitating news of losing my sight. You know the drill; "She's angry that this happened to her self and wants to blame someone for it. She's just lashing out in fear."

I felt like a prisoner in my own body and I just wanted to scream and punch my way out of the cotton wool wrapping that was suffocating me. I had to have someone to do every little thing for me, because it was felt that I just simply couldn't cope, and I was hardly ever left alone. I wasn't even aloud to go to the toilet by my self.

My mum always insisted that someone go with me, just in case I couldn't find the loo roll and I broke down in tears or something. It was ridiculous. In the end I gave up trying to talk to them and I just let it happen. I lay in that hospital bed and let them take over my body, my mind and finally my soul. I gave up completely and with drew into my self further and further.

I stopped talking to my parents and my friends and even my doctors. In fact the only time I did speak was when Emma came to see me. She was my night time nurse and she never ever spoke down to me. She seemed to understand me and always shooed my parents away from my bedside, suggesting they go out for fresh air or to get something to eat, just so I could have a bit of time to my self.

Oh yeah I forgot to mention my Therapy sessions.

By the time those rolled around I was so deep in mollycoddling that I couldn't leave my room. I was so terrified of the world and what was out there I was convinced that if I left my room something else would get me. I realise now that the way I was feeling was due to everyone else's ideas and concerns and not something I had produced my self.

My brain by now didn't do its own thinking, every thought I had or idea was put there by someone else. In all sense I felt as if my opinion didn't matter any more. I ceased to be. I suppose I was waiting for something worse to happen. I didn't care any longer. I mean how sad is that; just to simply give up on life. Not sad as in the retarded sense of the word but sad as in sniff sniff cry your eyes out sad. I never imagined someone getting that low in life that they simply gave up on living but still remembered to breath just for something to do.

Anyway lets get rid of those morbid thoughts and get on with the story.

Eventually they sent a shrink to see me. Post-trauma analysis things were done and when she (Dr Wyllie) announced that I was suffering from post-traumatic shock related depression and that I should be put on anti-depressants and possibly on suicide watch. I really felt as low as I could possible feel.

But I knew they were wrong, I knew in my heart that wasn't how I felt. Oh, I felt did feel low but I felt as if I just got it together I knew I could snap out of it. But every time that little voice pushed me up there was always one pulling me down again. "What if they were right? What if I couldn't cope? I'd be dependant on someone else for the rest of my life?"……..

NO! There was no way that I was going out that way. I'd fought to hard for my chance to have a life away from my parents.

I sat up in bed suddenly and clenched my fists in the sheets. Fuck… was it only just now that I realised they were stealing my life!

They, whom I trusted and loved and who were supposed to love me; they were taking away my life. Piece by piece. I couldn't blame them for my accident but I sure as hell could blame them for the rest of my shitty life so far.

Two whole months I'd been chained up in this shitty place. Not been aloud outside or seen my friends and I'd been subjected to tests and … and … brain manipulation by all those bloody doctors and psychiatrists.

I wanted to scream and scream and scream and I did too. My face got redder and redder as I felt the tears of anger well up behind my eyes. But those tears would come later.

Leaning back my head I screamed the worst I ever had in my life. I shrieked and I yelled until I thought my lungs would burst.

I heard a smashing of glass in the hall followed by a curse and an alarm. Good they were calling for security, they would have to hold me back once I got my hands on those bloody doctors, especially that Smell Welly woman. I don't think I'd ever been more insulted than to be told I was suicidal.

A minute later mum and dad came running into the room along with a stern looking matron, two nurses, not Emma unfortunately, and two BIG orderlies. Everyone was shouting and trying to calm me and my parents down. Mum was crying, trying to get to me and the Matron was shooing them out of the door while yelling at one of the terrified nurses to get a hypo and a sedative.

I looked horrified at her and shook my head screaming no, no, no, no! But of course no one was listening to me.

I wanted OUT!

I wanted out of THAT bed.

Out of THAT room and OUT of THAT hospital!

The two orderlies were holding me down on the bed and one of the nurses was trying to sooth me. But I was inconsolable. I didn't want soothing, I wanted to scream. Damn it felt really good, to finally get all the cooped up, squashed down into-my-self feelings out of my head.

However, the staff didn't seem to understand my point of view. They filled a needle with some clear liquid and jabbed the entire thing into me.

I felt cool rushes swept into my body and I was lost.

I sank into the pillows and passed out. Into whatever reality my head was drug-fucked up to create.


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

I think I dreamt what happened next, or maybe it was the result of the drugs combo I'm still not a hundred percent sure and Brin has never admitted it to me, so I'll just tell you what I remember and I'll let you decide for your self.

I walked into a Nightmare, well that's what I thought. Everything was black and lifeless. The trees were ash from root to tip and as I reached up my hand, the bark crumbled to nothing under my touch.

I gasped and shrank back, but still I kept walking. The leaves under my feet made no noise as I felt them break under them and over head in the grey sky skeletal birds with lifeless eyes dragged their bodies through the air.

Everything around me was dead or dying, decaying flesh and bone were all I could see.

Death had come for me! It was only a matter of time.

So I walked, and I walked and just for a little change of pace I walked some more.

And saw nothing. Nothing but life slipping far away from me.

I felt the shadow appear behind me and I obediently turned. He was incredibly tall and skinny, but strangely enough he didn't seem evil. I'd expected a malevolent stare or stance. But he just stood there calmly waiting.

As went to his out stretched hand I heard a voice come through all the fog that had suddenly swept into my brain.

"Why?"

"Huh?" I turned my head sharply and stared into the dust. A figure was coming towards me. A magnificent cape around his broad shoulders and a unyielding look on his face.

As he reached me, he towered over me. His deep voice filled me as he said.

"Why do you give up?"

"I'm… done." I replied nonchalantly "I have nothing left to give." And I really felt that way too. They'd conquered my body and forced it to their will. They had the supremacy, they could do anything they wanted to me and I would of course obey.

"No, they do not have the power."

That startled me for a second. Did I say that out loud, or had he just read my mind.

"They may have taken over your body and your mind. But there is something they cannot touch."

"What my soul?" I asked sceptically "Sorry to burst your bubble pal but this is starting to sound like a bad movie of the week."

I laughed expecting him to look really hurt, but instead he laughed too and nodded his head.

"I guess it does really, but I thought you liked dramatics?" I frowned at him then turned my back on him and accepted my feet's permission to walk into Deaths arms.

"NO!"

Un-death guy grabbed my arm hauled me back.

"I cannot let you do this."

"Why not. They've won. I can't do anything else against them. But this…" I gestured to Death who was just waiting there patiently in a gigantic hooded robe and smoke-paloosa…. Hey He's wearing a pair of white clogs?! Hmmm Yeah! Sure!

"This I can do.. They won't be expecting it and it'll serve them right for taking away my life."

"But isn't this giving them exactly what you think they've done to you? You're stronger than this Bliss. I've seen your heart and I know your spirit. This is not who your really are, nor who you want to be."

I started to open my mouth just then but he cut across me.

"You are a warrior Bliss, you always have been. I heard your cry just now and I felt it go right through me."

I blushed "Oh sorry I never knew I could scream that loud"

"No it was not a scream but a warrior's cry." He came right up to me then and with a beautifully large hand he stroked the side of my face. "One who knows the strength to keep fighting for life." I nuzzle into his hand but then shake him off annoyed that he couldn't have told me sooner.

"But I lost". I almost wail.

"Battles are neither lost nor won in the end Bliss. Only fear is conquered."

He steps away from me. God he's beautiful I think. Dark wispy hair and a magnificent presence.

"Fear of what?" I ask as he steps further away from me.

"To fight for what you really want. Even if it might hurt."

I cock my head to the side confused. If you get what you want in the end surely that's a winning. No more fighting?

"What do you want Bliss? I know what I did when you called me to that alley"

"What?" I look up quickly but I only see a dark shape dissipating to more dust.

I'm so shocked I almost forget to breath. Was that really my mysterious saviour from the Nightclub. Had I called out to him. How did he hear?

Urgh! Too many thoughts flooded my brain. I couldn't think. I tried to recall my memory from that night but only pictures of Dickhead came flashing.

"Aghhhhhh" I yelled in frustration and I sat down heavily on the ground. Little puffs of dust rising up around me.

I felt a little tap on my shoulder. It was death. He was bending down toward me and tapping at his wrist. It seemed it was time to go. But now I was so confused that I didn't know what to do.

I looked about the grainy atmosphere and shuddered.

Death didn't seem to like my stalling very much so with out so much as a by you or leave. He grabbed my arm and pulled me along behind him.

"Hey!" I yelled in protest as I squirmed in his grasp.

So much for getting a choice in the matter. It seems I was yet again being forced to do something I didn't want to do, or rather hadn't decided to do.

Death wasn't it bothered it seemed. Much like Hades hags, it had been decided that my time was up and the string was about to be cut.

Oh that was it! I was so pissed off with being tugged about.

Standing up and squaring off before death. I smiled radiantly and the soccer punched him right in the face.

HOLY HELL that felt good!

Death went spinning away from me and was soon eating dust.

"Hmph!" I snorted at him and as I turned my back on him and walked away. I lifted my head to the sky and yelled to who ever it was that was in charge of this limbo, that I wanted out and I WANTED OUT RIGHT….NOW!


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

I sat up in bed with a gasp and panted hard trying to regain my focus.

I was back in the hospital, in my white bed with clean disinfected sheets. Urgh! I groaned as I held my head so it wouldn't fall off as a killer headache hit. No doubt from the amount of sedatives they had to pump into me.

I started to lie back in bed and go back to sleep but suddenly heard the voice in my head.

"Do not be a slave to fear."

" No fucking way!" I answered with resolve. It felt so good to hear my own voice again. It was like I'd been floating above my empty corpse and now I'd come rushing back into the drivers seat.

Right this was it I decided, I was going to start taking control of MY life, and it would be great.

"Well you might not be able to see any more Girl," I told my self as I swung my legs over the bedside "but that is not going to stop us…right?"

"Right" said the warm voice from my psychosis nightmare/dream thing.

Well, I thought, at least I have some ones support. I doubted as much from my parents, let alone all the a-holes who'd kept me here so long.

I sat on the edge of my bed for a long while listening to the world around me. It seemed different somehow.

Sounds were sharper, and smells were stronger and it wasn't just because I couldn't see anymore, but I think I'd begun to waste away in those few weeks of being told I'd never live a normal life again.

Now I was determined and stronger in my resolve I felt life come back into me again.

I wanted to live, to experience things again and because of that I felt, hear and even saw (the broad sense) in a different light, all because I WANTED to find them that way.

I guess I'm not explaining it very well, but if you stay in one little room for about eight weeks and do nothing but sleep, then suddenly come back into your whole house I think you'll understand what I'm trying to say.

Right this was it,

If I was ever going to have a chance at a relatively normal life and an independent one too then I was going to have to start NOW!

I jumped to my feet and promptly sat down again as my joints crumbled beneath me.

Hmm okay… this was going to have to go a bit slower than I thought.

Bracing my self, I carefully set my feet back on the floor praying they would hold me up. They did! Hooray!

Shuffling slowly at first I wandered around my room, hands out in front of me trying to find where things were.

I bashed into a low object and when I crouched down I found that it was a cupboard. Reaching in I felt fabrics, cotton, denim and something else furry soft. I frowned trying to figure out what things were. The jeans were easy and I pulled them out straight away and slipped into them with a sigh.

Ahhh real clothes…. smelling of me, familiar feeling around my legs. I felt like a real person again and not just some ghost in a gown thing, which was drafty at the back.

Right now where was my bra? Oh! And my shirt? Fumbling about I found a top I recognised by touch and pulled it on over my head. I then struggled with the ties at the back and pulled the horrid white sheet from my body. Wringing it into a ball I hurled it at my bed and Ha Ha'ed loudly.

Fifteen minutes later I was casually but happily wandering around my room locating MY things and putting them in a bag I had found. I was the slightest bit worried who'd bag it was. It was in my room therefore it mine.

I was getting quite use to this walking around without being able to see lark. Okay so I did keep bumping into the wall every now and again but it was only because I kept forgetting it was there. Ha ha ah yeah like the hell it was going to move. God I'm such a comedian.

As I laughed at my self happily I heard a sudden running of footsteps and slowly my heart sank. Here we go I thought. This was the stampede I had been expecting the minute I had crawled my way out of bed, but obviously they hadn't been quite on the ball today. Just as well really.

As the rushing thumps got louder I finished packing quickly, and stood up as tall as I could with out wobbling over.

"Bliss Delight Sunshine Milieu… What the HELL do you think you are doing?!"

I could tell mum was hysterical, but why did she have to yell out my full name like for all and sundry to hear. Jeepers it's not as if it's a normal kind of name.

Okay calm, be calm I kept reminding my self as I turned to face mum.

"I'm leaving." I said with as much resolve as I could, even though my knees were shaking with excitement and dread. "I'm sick of this hospital and sick of being told what to do and being treated like a child and being told that I'm ill and I won't cope and that my life won't be any good any more and… and… "

Oh dear I was running out of steam and I don't think I've ever used the word "and" so much in one sentence before.

Mum sighed and tried to reason with me. Using that awful tone of voice people usually reserve for talking people off of ledges.

Urghhhh!

"Now Darling, don't worry Mummy is here now and we can all sort it out together. Of course you're frightened and want to go home, but we must let the doctors help you first. You're in deep shock and you haven't yet come to terms with what has happened to you."

She stroked my arm, soothingly she thought but all I could feel was the evil prickling of lies and fear.

By then my doctors had arrived and I guessed they had a couple of orderlies nearby too by the shuffling and whispering.

"Look Doctor Soigné is here now, he can make it all better Lissy Darling if only you try to be helped."

Oh god I could hear the tears starting to well up in her. Mum has always been so easy to read. She cries at everything she can't control, so I knew exactly that she was going to start bawling.

Everybody started talking then, offering me help. I knew they were only trying to help and I knew I should be polite and explain my self clearly but I was well past caring, in fact I was livid. Here they were keeping me captive in a place I hate with every fibre of my soul.

Right it was time for drastic action!

"I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP!" I roared at the top of my lungs to be heard over the din.

That did it.

They all turned and faced me, stunned….

I was breathing hard and I could feel the blood rushing to my face. I cleared my throat and threw my shoulders back.

"You lot have ruined my life for the past eight weeks." I was desperate to keep my voice level to unnerve them so I kept going, remembering t breath.

"I have been kept her like a prisoner. I haven't been consulted about anything that has happened to me nor the treatments I have received,"

I paused and stared at them fiercely.

" You have insulted me in every which way. You tell me what I'm thinking and feeling without even taking to me. In essence you don't see me as a person at all do you?" My voice rose a bit as I surprised my self really with my gumption and because they had stayed silent thought out my entire speech.

Now DR Smelly Welly spoke up.

"Now Lissy I understand how upset you see but if you just…."

I barked a laugh out at that.

" You understand nothing you stupid woman!" Mum gasped at that but I ignored her.

"You've insulted me the worst of all. You told my parents that I was going to commit suicide."

"It was a possibility." She said trying to defend her self. "When people don't accept or begin to cope with there disability then…."

"But you never asked me how I was feeling about it…." My voice was getting a little shrill now but I was determined to say what I had to say.

`" I have accept it. I WANT to learn to live with it. I WANT to be taught how to read brail or get around town, but did you do any of that NO you just treated me like a child! You ALL did!"

I think I shocked them good and proper now. No one wants to speak. I hear lots of nervous coughing and shuffling of feet. Now's the time for my exit, I thought to my self.

I reach behind me and take hold of my bag. It feels good in my hand, like the good happy real life is now tangible not just a dream I've wanting for the past two weeks.

"YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE LIKE THIS"

It was mum, she was blubbering freely and her voice was all high pitched and squeaky. Huh now I know where I get it from.

Anyway I calmly walked towards the door (I memorized where it was earlier) and just looked over my shoulder in what I hoped was her general direction.

"I don't need your permission mother. I'm over 18 and if I want to leave you have no right to stop me."

"SO YES I CAN!"

I add, yelling in a similar fashion I cringingly realise but note not to mention.

With that I walked out of my room and walked down the corridor. Then with one finial thought I felt I JUST HAD to add. I turned sharply round and yelled.

"MY SIGHT MAY HAVE BEEN STOLEN FROM ME. BUT I'LL BE DAMNED IF I EVER LET IT OR ANY OF YOU RUIN MY QUALITY OF LIFE!"

I nodded my head in salute of my decree and turned my back on all of them.

A huge cheer rose up around me. It stopped me in my tracks as I realised it was the other patients in there beds. They were clapping and cheering and shouting "Well done" and "You tell 'em girl!"

Feeling pretty pleased with my self I strode out there head held high.


End file.
